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Bed and Breakfast - "Brothas and Sista's, Are You Married But Livin' Single?"
|Posted on 29 July, 2015 at 22:35|
"I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank. I searched for him
but could not find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply. Song of Solomon Make this promise, O women of Jerusalem— If you find my lover, tell him I am weak with love." Song of Solomon 5:1- 5:8
Good morning to our amazing Brothas and Sistas,
Brothas and Sistas, many times in marriages there is no accountability between mates. One spouse may leave out and not tell the other spouse where he or she is going as we see here in the Song of Solomon 5:6. Look at this Sista, she is asking all his homeboys and her home girls where her honey is. Brothas and Sistas, why is she doing that when she should know where her man is at all times? Let me tell you something, no self respecting Sista should be hunting her man down because she does not know where the heck he is. And neither should that Brotha be looking all over town for us. There is this thing called checking in and as married couples we need to abide by it. That shows our mates that we respect them.
Look at this. The Brotha left out and had that Sistas' mind reelin'. First of all, before that Brotha left the house he should have told her where he was going because communication is key even when you are angry. There have been many times when my husband and I have gotten into uh, let's just say heated "moments of fellowship" and he would come to me and say, "I am going for a walk or a ride. I will be back." Brothas and Sistas, he at least gives me the respect of letting me know where he is going and has sense enough to soothe any anxieties so that the enemy won't have a field day with my mind. Early on in our marriage I was the one that always wanted to reconcile when we where angry with each other. I was always the peace keeper and would often go to him to calm him down. I quickly learned that he needed time to process some things and I needed to leave him alone so that he could have peace of mind to think things through. As a matter of fact, I can remember one time when my husband and I got into a little tiff at church and he left out to cool down. An older, wiser woman saw me getting ready to go after him and she said, "Let him go." Brothas and Sistas, that simple gesture gave me the wisdom I needed to never go after him again, but to wait until he cooled down and was ready to come back to me. Oh, I know that's right. We do not have to keep going after them in desperation for fear that we may lose them.
Believe it or not men were made to be conquerors and by all means the pursuer. Sistas, being the aggressor all of the time can turn your man off. You need to give him time to build desire for YOU. So please chill out. He will lose all respect for you and you will in turn lose respect for yourself when you constantly assume the role of pursuer rather than take on the role pursuant. In other words a Sista should not be out pursuing her man, her man should instead be out pursuing her. When a woman pursues the man she eventually will desire him more than he will desire her.
Younger married Sistas, I know that we live in a generation of liberated women, but you should not be texting and calling him 24/7. As a matter of fact to keep that brother on his toes there should be a little mystery in the relationship and he should be calling YOU more. And yes, you should be able to answer and have access to his phone, emails, appointment book etc., without him having any reservations and he should be able to do the same with you. There are no secrets in marriage. Because when we keep things hidden and live separate lives of our own the enemy gets good and busy. He should not be still talking to his old girlfriends on a reg. and neither should you be talking to your old boyfriends on a reg. if at all.
And then there is the marriage bed. Some spouses literally lose desire for their mates and that should not be so. Believe it or not, my friend just recently spoke with a co-worker that is involved in a marriage where both spouses do not sleep in the same room. When we are not connected by sharing the marriage bed, it can most certainly lead to an affair. And if the truth be told, deep down on the inside some Sistas want to push their men out there. These Sistas want a biblical excuse to continue 'livin' single' and eventually make it official so they can do their 'own thing' legally. Manipulating a situation to get our way is straight from the pit. I don't even sleep well when Babe is not right next to me. I need my boo right there snuggled up beside me and so should you.
There are even those times when some Christian spouses may hang out with their friends every weekend as if they are single and leave the other spouse at home. Brothas and Sistas, say it with me, "That is a big NO, NO." This is not how we do it when we have made a commitment before God. Many of us have separate bank accounts and we refuse to combine all of the household income. We hold on to that secret stash just in case things don't go well in our marriage and then we can have something to fall back on. This gives place for the enemy to start something in a for real way because if you don't believe in your heart of hearts that your marriage is going to stand the test of time and work by faith neither will he and the enemy is banking on that.
Brothas and Sistas, some of us are so determined to 'live single' that we keep our maiden name and never change it fully to our married name. Okay, Sistas I must ask you this burning question, "Why do we get married if we are not willing to take on everything that belongs to him, including his name?" And then there are even some couples that go on separate vacations and never share a vacation together. What's up with that? Brothas and Sistas, we need time together with our boo's. There is nothin' like sitting back on the beach in the Caribbean Islands with your honey and looking into each others eyes and goin' , "Life is good, eh, Man?" and the other spouse is goin,"Yeah, Man, life is good".
Brothas and Sistas, please remember that when we made that oath before God it was not meant to be broken by 'livin' single'. Matthew 19:5 says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and is joined with his wife, and the two are united into one." The definition of one is being a single entity of two or more components. And that is the way it should be in our marriage. When he breathes you breath, when he starts a sentence you finish it, before he can get his thought out you are already thinking it. That is what true oneness consists of. Make it your daily prayer and determination to never 'live single' in the bonds of holy matrimony. Praise Him!!!!
Prayer of Faith
Thank you for giving us the gift of marriage whereby we become one. May we walk in our oneness and forsake living as though we are still single. Help us to honor our marriages and marriage bed at all times. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.