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Blog
True Love - Victim to Victor - Overcoming Rape By An Ex-Boyfriend
| Posted on 13 April, 2018 at 22:37 |
“But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world” (1 John 4:4, NLT). “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them” (1 John 4:16, NIV). Good morning Brothas and Sistas, I can remember the night I heard some really bad news about something that happened to some people close to my daughter. I was involved in a conversation with a loved one when they made this remark to me, “If you would have told somebody what he did to you, then they wouldn’t have had to go through that.” I could not stand the thought of him, the same one that had violated me years ago, victimizing those little children. The statement my cousin made that day broke me down to nothing. I cried so hard for those children and when I was done crying for them, I cried for me too. I remembered how I felt when I was the victim of sexual abuse and rape by that ex-boyfriend and felt helpless. He lived up the street from me and I was still friends with his sister. One night we all decided to meet up and go to the store. His sister suddenly changed her mind about going to the store with me . I made a poor judgment call and got into the car with him. We never made it to the store. He took me to a place called Lovers Lane, which at the time I knew nothing of such a place. He physically assaulted me and made me have sex with him. This incident occurred a month before my open heart surgery. I ran to my front door after he brought me back to my house. The only thing I wanted to do was get a shower and feel clean. Believe it or not I had blocked this incident out of my mind. My open surgery was coming up soon and I had to deal with that first. I had a collapsed lung therefore it was life or death for me. I know it sounds crazy but being raped was the least of my problems at the time. I did not even know if I would be alive in thirty days. The only thing that brought the rape back to my memory was when I did not come on my cycle. I was pregnant and did not even know it. Til this day, I know the only good thing that came out of that cruel incident was my only child, my beautiful daughter. My cardiologist wanted me to get an abortion but I just couldn't do it. When I found out I was pregnant it was a lifesaver for me because it took the focus off of me and my illness. During the surgery my heart stopped and I had to be on medication while I was pregnant. I believe the only reason why they wanted to abort my baby after surgery was because they thought I was going to sue them. At the time I did not want to report the rape because it would have been too much for me to deal with open heart surgery, pregnancy, and reporting my rape. When I began to deal with the reality of what occurred I wept until my tears wouldn’t flow anymore and then I became angry when I realized that I was all alone and there seemed to be no one who could comfort me or help me get through it. At the time, there was a brother in the church who was pursuing me. He was married and kept trying to convince me that he wanted to leave his wife. I didn’t buy into it because I had crossed that bridge before. But at the time when I needed to be held the most no one was there, so I thought. While I was in the midst of a breakdown God asked me a question “Who’s here?” My thoughtless response was, “Nobody." “That’s not true," He responded, “I’m here." I didn’t understand what He meant. But He told me to, “Shut down the house and go to bed." It was only about 6:30 in the evening, but I immediately did what I was told and went to bed. As soon as I laid my head down on my pillow, I felt what I can only describe as a warm heaviness envelope me, like a warm blanket had been wrapped around me. My entire body relaxed and I took a deep breath and blew it out gently, and then I closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes again, I realized it was the following day because the sun had risen. I don’t remember a thing after I closed my eyes. I didn’t dream, I didn’t wake up for a potty break. I didn’t even roll over during the night. I just slept the most peaceful sleep ever. When I realized God had given me a big hug, I began to thank Him for being there for me. He reminded that, true love is always there for you and it always runs to you and not away from you. So if a man tells you that he loves you with sentiment, but he is never available to show it with evidence, then he doesn’t love you. Love always has the ability to prove itself. There will be people in your life at certain times, especially the opposite sex swearing their undying love to you. But ask yourself this, “Are they here for me when I need them the most or only when it’s convenient for them? And do they love me or lust me?" Remember, “But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world” (1 John 4:4, NLT). “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them” (1 John 4:16, NIV). Love ya, Audrey |
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